• Passion vs. Romance (PHOTOS) #Scandal #Valentine

    A few days ago, I had a "posting conversation" looking at passion versus romance. Here was my take on the comparison:

    I don't want that soap opera, heightened "Scandal" stuff.

    ABC's "Scandal"
    It's entertaining...and desperate. Come Valentine's Day, a card written by their writers would be great...fun. But the everyday type thing I want...not the "Scandal" thing.

    Photo: NY Times
    I think folks tend to confuse passion for romance. Certainly passion is lovely...as long as it doesn't become desperate...which is nearly impossible. The definition of "passion" is an uncontrollable emotion or suffering. It means you will sacrifice and endure all sorts of things for something for which you can not live without. It's why an artist may forgo eating, new clothes, and rent in order to pay for headshots, paint, or music. They are willing to suffer for that which they hold "passion". An example of a further extreme, the "Passion" of the Christ...the 'suffering' of Christ. Passionate...not necessarily romantic. Passion is ONLY overwhelming. That "I will DIE for you" stuff on tv...belongs on TV. If it creeps up, may it only happen in the bedroom...lol...but I don't want desperate emotion. I want genuine gestures of kindness and love. I want to breathe you in when you're with me and miss you when you're gone...but also want opportunities to miss you. I want time apart so the coming together is something to savor. Even after we live together, the days will give moments apart where I can miss you and be thankful when we are together again. That's hinged upon being good with yourself, alone, so you CAN savor the moments together (romantic) and not making the other person your "everything" and the "I'll die without you" person. (passion).

    And yes, there's a lot of "passion" on "Scandal"...but point to the romance?

    And where does being in love fall? My answer is "all over"...as in all over the passion and romance. Love keeps passion from being desperate and romance from being fickle. Love belongs all over...lasting and sustaining.

    But that's just my take.

    With my fiancee, Michelle


    1. A very good topic. At this writing, I am perched in my bed with my laptop and my honey is in the office working on the desktop for a relationship workshop that we are developing. Although we have framed it in a different way, the topic speaks to sustainability. Sustainability in our work, creativity, talents and relationships is so very important to us. As we are now starting to realize first citizenship rights, with marriage equality, hopefully we can learn from the mistakes of heterosexual couples and work to minimize the statistics as we define ourselves as couples. I don't look forward to 'gay divorce court'. Unlike heterosexuals, we have very few relationships to model. This is why it is so important for people who are coming to know love and people who have enjoyed sustainability to mentor other couples. We need this from those of us who have sustained those relationships in a healthy way; in spite of a hostile society and often without support within our own communities. We need all of our different and varied perspectives to be represented and that way we can be inclusive of folks who come with a cross section of ideas.

      In terms of the position that you take here, I agree with one small caveat. I never tire of my honey's presence. She is in the other room and I miss her terribly and she is just a few short steps away! lol. Pitiful! Now when we were on the grind, providing leadership in extensively stressful careers, and raising a tween turned to a gremlin teen, negotiating parents and educating our child, political activism, sitting on boards and all the things that you gotta' do, we were on it. Sometimes so much that we flexed the scripts and the codes of our relationship because our lives required it. We are on the other side of all that now and most of our friends think that we are sickening. lol!

      I have said before, I love the picture of you two. Michele looks safe. I understand look in her eyes. I commend you for creating that!

      1. Makemba,
        You are amazingly beautiful. Thank you for your reply. I often awake and see Michelle sitting at the computer working in front of the window. It is certainly one of my favorite sights...every morning. ;-)


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