• Ten Easy Steps to Becoming Rich, Famous, and in a Tyler Perry film.

    There are TEN easy steps to becoming RICH, FAMOUS, and ultimately noticed by TYLER PERRY!!

    Step One: Witness a fire, a mugging, a robbery or, heaven forbid, a murder.

    Step Two: Make sure you're barely dressed or look like you just woke up.

    Step Three: Suppress any higher education or experience speaking proper English.

    Step Four:  Insert gold tooth.  Accessories are the "key" touches...

    Step Five: Put a rag on your head. **What did I say about accessories?!

    Step Six: Catch the news reporter's eye and let him/her know "I seent it! I seent e'rythang!"

    Step Seven: Recount what you "seent" with a whole lot of "chawr-ch"
    *Witness: Jesus was there!! HE 'seent' it too! LAAAWD HAM MERCY!


    Step Seven: Recount what you "seent" but don't forget to cuss and say "nigga" like you DON'T know this is going to be on TV
    *Witness: I seent them niggas carryin' a whole LOT a shit out that motha-fuckin' house!! Nigga's gun kept fallin' out and shit...muthafucka ain't even bovah to pick it up! Nigga just kicked his shit down the muthafuckin' street...muthafuckin' tv in his hand...and DVR player on his head! NIGGA AIN'T EVEN GOT CABLE!
    Reporter: So you KNOW the thief?
    Witness: Oh Naw! I ain't never seent that nigga befo' in my LIFE!
    Reporter: And you say he was kicking his gun down the street as his hands were full. Why didn't you try to stop him?
    Witness: NIGGA HAD A GUN!


    Step Seven: Recount what you "seent" with a whole lot of civil rights movement and cuss out White people like you've waitin' to do it for 50 years.
    *Witness: "Them racist bastards always somewhere fuckin' with us!!"
    Reporter: "Ummm...sir...the assailant was believed to be Black." 
    Witness: "OH! So you on THEIR side!"

    Ozell Gary...O.Z.E. Double L! http://youtu.be/2wAgxrBP2Vs

    Step Eight: Once your video airs on the local small town no one's ever heard of before 11pm news, upload the video to YouTube and tag it with "Foolishness and Fuckery", "The Only Black Witness in the Crowd" and "World Star Hip Hop". Watch the view count climb through the roof.

    Step Nine: Get that shit 'tuned and turntup, shawty! Oh...excuse me...have your video remixed using auto-tuning software and watch White dudes in their 20's make thousands in Youtube royalties off YOUR shit.

    Step Ten: And finally, get the attention of Tyler Perry and have HIM hire your bufuckery and bufoonery for FIVE figures...and watch him make EIGHT.

    And there you have it! A can't lose recipe for SUCCESS!!


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